Let that shit go

It still matters.

That’s why you can’t let it go.

I don’t know exactly what it is, but I’m sure it’s heavy.

Maybe it’s something they said. Or something they never said. Maybe it’s a moment that keeps replaying in your head, no matter how much time has passed. Maybe it’s a version of you that was built to survive everything you went through…and now you don’t know how to let it go.

Whatever it is…I see you.

And I know how much it’s been costing you to carry it this long.

Part of you knows it’s time to let go. But another part of you doesn’t want to. Because letting it go doesn’t feel like relief. It feels like ripping something out of you that you’re not ready to be without.

And that’s terrifying…because it’s been part of your life for so long you don’t know who you are without it. So it doesn’t just feel like letting go. It feels like you’re losing a piece of yourself.

That’s the part nobody really talks about.

Sometimes you’re not holding onto the past because you want it back. You’re holding onto it because it became part of who you are. And if you let it go…you don’t just lose what you’re holding onto. You lose the identity you built around it.

So you keep carrying it.

You keep going back to it. Replaying it. Reliving it. Holding onto it longer than you need to.

Not because you’re weak. But because it feels like the only way you can stay connected to who you’ve been. And if you don’t know who you are without it…then you’ll keep choosing it.

That’s why you’re stuck.

But you have to see what it’s doing to you.

It’s stealing your energy. Your attention. Your ability to be present in your own life. You’re still living in something that already ended a long time ago. And it’s costing you more than you want to admit.

It’s not just something you’re holding onto. It’s something that’s been quietly shaping your life in the background.

Letting go doesn’t erase what happened. It doesn’t mean the memories disappear. It just stops it from taking more from you than it already has.

You’ve already carried it far enough.

You can let that shit go now.

And when your mind goes back there…
When you start replaying it…
When you feel that pull to stay in it just a little longer…

Pause.

And tell yourself to come back.

Come back. Come back. Come back.

As many times as you need to. That’s what letting go actually looks like. A thousand choices to be here.

You don’t need an apology.
You don’t need a better ending.
You don’t have to prove how much you cared.

It mattered.

Of course it did.

And you’re allowed to move on anyway.

You can put it down now.

— Evan

---

If this landed for you and you want more of it, I’d love for you to subscribe. Every week I share writing to help people make sense of what’s going on in their lives and find their way forward. This is where my best work lives and your support means a lot.

PS. If you’re in the middle of something like this and want help finding your way through it, I offer 1:1 coaching. If you’d like to talk, you can sign up for a free 15-minute introduction call below.